Monday, October 3, 2011

Help...I'm about to loose my mind!!!

So its been a while  since I've been on here. I think my goal should be to blog once a week that may be a bit more realistic. I'm hoping this will remain private as I really only want my closest friends to read and I don't feel like being judged, lol. Its about being real for me hear and having my very own outlet. I don't intend to offend anyone so if it happens...well that wasn't my intention. Anyhow, with only 9weeks left to go in my pregnancy, homeschooling, paying bills, laundry, meals, chasing after two wonderful (yet hyper and challenging) boys, house cleaning, sleepless nights, church, family time, me and hubby time (which at the moment seems out of the question), even alone time (never gonna happen), I feel like I'm about to loose my mind. I know eventually I will find cause its definitely  gone. This time around these last two or three weeks I have been an emotional basket case. I try not to get overwhelmed and not to be hard on does not all have to be perfect...I came to that realization a bit back and have come to except that. I need and want support in ways that are sometimes hard to explain so I just give up. Please don't get me wrong I don't feel sorry for myself, really I know how blessed I am and I don't take it for granted but I'm only human, right. Feeling like I'm entitled to feel this way in no way do I want to add stress to myself or my husband by feeling this way, but somehow I still feel like I do. I know it will all work out somehow and be okay. Just at the moment it seems to overcome me like a tidal wave and at times I feel like I can't breathe. Every day between 4:00 and 4:30am I am fully awake, hot, uncomfortable and sleep escapes me. The doctor has told me its okay to take sleeping peels and a few times I have but I don't want a medicated baby, though I know it won't hurt the baby. My mom is doing her best to come out here just at the right time, but one can not time these things exactly, I will be happy whenever she makes it out regardless. These days have met me with a lot of learning curves, I'm enjoying homeschooling though it has its challenges, but so does being a stay at home mom. So many people will say but your at home count yourself lucky you don't work, ha its the hardest job I've ever done and even if I worked outside the home I would have to squeeze all the stuff I do already into a shorter time span. I will say this I am very grateful for my husband he does far and above and still manages to go to school full time, squeeze family time in, and oh how I wish I could give him alone time for himself (but I would want him for him and me time...I know selfish me), I am very proud of him and what God is doing in him. This is the month of overflow I believe it and receive it, but that also means the enemy will work harder to bring us down. I'm gonna overcome him and his lies though and the blessings will not only pour out but overflow. For now I am signing off a little bit more unloaded and trusting God will see me through. Let see what wonderful and glorious things God has in store for us all this week. Hope you are all blessed and have a wonderful week. Not that anyone is actually reading this but its my wish for all my friends and those I love!!!